


Are you kidding me, Ushiwaka-chan?

by notallballs (notallbees)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alien Sex, Alien Ushijima Wakatoshi, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Challenge: Sports Anime Shipping Olympics | SASO 2017, First Time, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Xenophilia, weird dicks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 22:51:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11068728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notallbees/pseuds/notallballs
Summary: Ushijima merely blinked at him. "I do not expect you to take my word for it, Oikawa," he said, looking serious and not remotely like this was a prank. Although, who could tell, with Ushijima? "I would be happy to prove myself to you."Tooru shook his head. "Yes, yes," he said, waving a hand dismissively. "Very convincing, but I know you don't really think I'm stupid enough to believe a thing like that.""It is not stupid to believe a fact," Ushijima said with apparently endless patience.Ushijima has something important to tell Tooru before they get down to business.





	Are you kidding me, Ushiwaka-chan?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bokuut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokuut/gifts).



> [Fill for Team Bokuroo on SASO](http://sportsanime.dreamwidth.org/21522.html?thread=10592530#cmt10592530)

"Are you kidding me, Ushiwaka-chan?"

Ushijima merely blinked at him. "I do not expect you to take my word for it, Oikawa," he said, looking serious and not remotely like this was a prank. Although, who could tell, with Ushijima? "I would be happy to prove myself to you."

Tooru shook his head. "Yes, yes," he said, waving a hand dismissively. "Very convincing, but I know you don't really think I'm stupid enough to believe a thing like that."

"It is not stupid to believe a fact," Ushijima said, with apparently endless patience. "I will show you. Will you come with me?"

"Oh, fine, fine," Tooru sighed, giving up and getting to his feet. "Lead on, Ushiwaka!"

—

"Are you _kidding me_ , Ushiwaka-chan?"

"I did explain—"

"No, no, no!" Tooru said, starting to pace on the spot. He dared another glance down at Ushijima's crotch and quickly forced his gaze away again. "This is—this is a very elaborate prank, for you. Did Tendou put you up to it? Makki?"

Ushijima looked slightly pained. Without haste, he dressed himself again, then turned to Tooru with a sigh. "Oikawa...as I said before, this is who—or rather _what_ I am."

"An alien," Tooru said, halting in front of Ushijima. "You really expect me to believe—"

"I'd hoped that seeing me would convince you," Ushijima said, and Tooru was surprised to recognise that he sounded a little hurt. "I have no expectations, but if it would help to convince you, you are more than welcome to touch me."

Tooru eyed him suspiciously. "Touch you?"

Ushijima nodded. "Sexually. Were you not intending that we should sleep together if this date went well?"

Tooru flushed. "What of it? Don't tell me you weren't."

"I would like that," Ushijima said, his direct honesty once again rendering Tooru a stammering mess. "But, as you see, I am...different to you."

"Is that supposed to put me off?" Tooru snapped, folding his arms in annoyance. "What's this really all about?"

Ushijima took a step toward him, and carefully reached out to unfold Tooru's arms. "Oikawa," he said softly, leaning forward. 

Tooru leaned toward him instinctively, turning his face up for a kiss. They had kissed a few times already, and he suspected that Ushijima hadn't meant to push him up against his apartment door at the end of their last date, but something about that night had just felt _right_ , and there had been static jumping between them by the time they made it home. Tooru had been gutted when Ushijima refused to come inside and continue their messy grinding, but he could feel some of that same electricity building between them now.

"Ushiwaka," he murmured, moving his hands without thinking to rest on Ushijima's waist. 

The kiss was careful, but Tooru deepened it. Alien or supernerd, Ushijima was one of the _best_ kissers Tooru had ever met. He was surprising and instinctive, and it wasn't until Tooru imagined Ushijima's fingers sliding through his hair and they immediately did just that, that he stopped to think about it.

"Wait, wait," he said, pulling away. "This might sound like a silly question, but you did just tell me you're an alien and show me some very convincing genitalia—which, I might add, buy me a drink first next time—but I have to ask. Are you reading my mind?"

Ushijima blinked. 

"Is that a thing? Can aliens do that?"

"Ah," Ushijima said, blushing faintly. "Not...as such. I get—impressions. Only from people I am very intimate with."

Tooru scrunched his nose at him. "So you have telepathic sex?"

Ushijima tilted his head. "Not exactly. I did not necessarily mean sexual intimacy, but yes, that is one instance in which it can manifest."

"Alright, alright," Tooru said, shaking his head firmly. "That's it."

"Oikawa?"

"Clothes off. I can't stand the suspense."

—

" _Are you kidding me, Ushiwaka-chan_?"

Ushijima looked down with a thoughtful expression. "I was admittedly surprised to discover that human members are not prehensile."

Tooru felt, for a moment, as though he might faint, but really that had more to do with the fact that Ushijima's own slender, tentacle-like member was stroking his dick slowly, wrapped around it like a vine. It was vaguely slippery, ridged with veins, and the sensation was decidedly rapturous. 

"Would you like me to continue?" Ushijima asked, speaking against Tooru's throat, where he had been carefully applying his tongue and teeth to just the right spots to make Tooru shiver. 

"I _know_ you know I like that," Tooru said, wrapping his arms around Ushijima's broad shoulders. "But what about what you want?"

Ushijima was silent for a moment, his hand moving ponderously across Tooru's chest, down to his stomach, then curving possessively around his waist. "Would you like me to...penetrate you?"

Tooru choked on an inhalation. "I'd like you not to use the word _penetrate_ without good reason," he said when he'd finished coughing. "What's wrong with _fuck_?"

"Ah," Ushijima said evenly, and pushed himself up. "That is...I believe you will find the experience rather different to congress with another human."

"Right," Tooru said, lifting his hand to brush the sweaty fringe out of his eyes. Ushijima's dick was pulsing around him, and it was extremely distracting. "Because of the prehensile thing."

Ushijima nodded. 

"What about—" Tooru began, and cut himself off as he sought for the right words. 

Whether it was intuition or his sixth sense, Ushijima seemed to grasp what he meant. "You have noticed that my genitalia is kept within my body," he said, and his cock began to loosen its grasp on Tooru's. "For you, I imagine it would be similar to pen—to having sex with a human woman."

Tooru gave him a suspicious look. "You know I haven't done that," he said, with only a small degree of reproach. He was feeling too electric and shivery to feel much put out. Turning back to the matter at hand, he carefully worked his hand between them, grazing his fingertips over Ushijima's belly. "May I?"

Ushijima nodded, and moved to one side so that he could roll onto his back. "Please, feel free to explore."

To his own shame, Tooru let out a snort of amusement before he could reel it back. "Tell me you've seen Star Trek," he said, grinning at Ushijima's puzzled expression. " _These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise...to explore strange new life_ , et cetera?"

"I have not," Ushijima said with an apologetic frown. 

"Never mind, never mind," Tooru said, forcing the thought away. He rolled onto his side and trailed his hand down Ushijima's chest again. His dick lay against his stomach, writhing slowly, the tip of it tapping against his skin absently. 

Tooru brushed his fingertip along its length, enjoying the way Ushijima seized a breath as he did so, chest heaving deeply. He traced his finger down to the base, where the slippery member disappeared into flushed folds of skin. It was, as Ushijima had suggested, reminiscent of female genitalia, and Tooru felt along the outer folds curiously. 

"It's so soft," he murmured, moving his hand back to Ushijima's dick and stroking it slowly a couple of times, before moving his fingers back to touch the outer folds. "And wet."

"You may p—ah. What word should I use instead?"

Tooru rolled his eyes. "How about fuck?"

Ushijima frowned a little. "Very well. You may fuck me, if you are gentle."

The flush traveled from Tooru's chest to the tips of his ears so quickly, it was a wonder there was any blood left to run to his dick, but _that_ had a fresh resurgence at the same moment. 

"I have...embarrassed you?"

"No, Ushiwaka," Tooru gritted out. Sighing, he pushed himself up and carefully straddled Ushijima's hips. "Tell me if I—I mean, I'll _try_ to be gentle, but—"

"I will not let you hurt me."

Tooru lowered his hips, rubbing the head of his cock against the soft, slippery folds of skin. As he began to press against the edges, Ushijima's cock curled up and wrapped around the base of his dick, squeezing gently, caressing his balls. 

"Ff— _fuck_ ," Tooru gasped, struggling to hold himself back. Ushijima had grasped his hips, holding him firm. "You—don't make this easy."

"Go ahead, Tooru," Ushijima said in a low voice, watching him with such an intense gaze that Tooru felt another shiver slip down his spine and pulse deep inside of him. 

Tooru pushed forward, driving his dick slowly into the slick, pulsing channel of flesh. Ushijima groaned softly, and his grip on Tooru's hips tightened, his thumbs digging in hard enough to leave bruises. 

"Do not worry," Ushijima said in a tight voice. "It is pleasurable for me too."

"Thank fuck for that," Tooru hissed. "I don't think I can stop."

He started to rock his hips in slow, shallow thrusts. Ushijima's dick curled and squeezed around his dick, but slowly it began to uncurl and venture further back between his legs. When the pointed tip began to circle his hole, Tooru whimpered and let his head fall forward. 

"Fuck...Wakatoshi."

"Tooru?"

Tooru bit his lip hard and thrust forward again, shuddering. "F—fuck me, Ushi—Wakatoshi."

Ushijima circled him a few more times, spreading slickness over his skin, catching on the rim of his hole in a way that made Tooru's breath catch and his hips stammer. Finally, Ushijima began to push inside, and Tooru let out a low cry. Ushijima had been right about the difference; it was more like questing fingers, only _more_ , longer and more agile, writhing around inside of him and slowly pushing deeper, eased by the slickness his skin was exuding.

Tooru thrust forward particularly hard, caught off guard by a wave of pleasure, and Ushijima's fingers bit into his hips. 

" _Hah_ ," Oikawa panted. "S—sorry." He laughed breathlessly. "I suppose it's too late to ask, but. I don't suppose there's any chance of one of us knocking the other up?"

Ushijima looked up at him almost reproachfully. "Don't be silly, Tooru," he said, frowning. "We are not the same species."

Tooru shook his head. "Uh huh. Just checking."

"Mm." Ushijima moaned. "Tooru, I'm—nearing release."

" _Yeah_ ," Tooru groaned. "Me too.You're—hn—pretty handy with that thing." He tensed his thighs, trying to get better leverage, and felt the lips of Ushijima's slit pulse around him. "Fuck—can I—come inside you?"

" _Ah_ —yes, Tooru—" Ushijima threw his head back, baring his throat. " _Tooru_."

—

"Are you serious right now?"

It was late when Tooru had woken, tangled up in slightly foul-smelling, decidedly crusty sheets. He'd barely had time to roll over and gulp a mouthful of water from the glass by his bedside, before Ushijima had stepped into the room bearing a tray, and dressed in nothing but a very small kitchen apron.

"Good morning, Tooru."

"Did you make me breakfast?"

"Is that not customary for the morning after successful intercourse?"

Tooru turned his head to the side and blushed in the direction of the half-open blinds. "Who allowed you to be this romantic?"

Ushijima set the tray down and sat beside Tooru. "Is everything...okay?"

Tooru took stock. He was blushing, which was awful, and he was pleasantly sore, which was nice, although he was decidedly sticky, which was not. He leaned over and pressed a firm kiss on Ushijima's mouth. "Everything," he said in a grandiose voice, "is weird as fuck. And I couldn't be happier about it."

Ushijima's smile was soft. "Nor could I."

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://notallballs.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/notallbees)


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